Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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