No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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