is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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