dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
