I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
