I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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