My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We are all done wearing pants today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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