Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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