I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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