Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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