1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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