no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
