Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
