I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said her name was "party"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
