3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
