I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
