I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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