WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
