So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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