He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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