i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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