i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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