I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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