Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
