my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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