yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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