party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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