Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
be right there i have to get my cape
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We need to get me chipped asap
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
