my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
