I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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