I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Welp...herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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