paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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