Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
