He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You ruined the universe
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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