Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
