she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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