party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
