Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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