There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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