Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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