Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got her a Nickelback box set.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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