The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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