I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
