im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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