i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
