Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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