we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize