1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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