if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
