Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
