All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
