I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
