GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
