if you like me you must not know who I am
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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