She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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