So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
