So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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