3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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