Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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