Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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