my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
