you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
