I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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