This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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