I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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